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April 15, 2011 / Ryan Edward Roberts

New Food Discovery!


 

I was trying to make me some lunch today when a wonderful accident happened. I discovered a NEW FOOD! I am going to be rich!! I was in the fridge and picked up what I thought was mustard to put on my jelly sandwich. Little did I know it was peanut spread (I will not advertise for any particular brand unless they pay me)….I tried it and WOW – it was delicious! So here is the recipe for all of you who might be interested in something completely new:

  • 1 tbs peanut spread
  • 1 tbs butter
  • 1 tbs jelly (flavor of your choice)
  • 2 slices of bread

 

1) Choose you bread carefully! Modern day bakers just don’t put the care into bread making like they used to.

 

Overbaked

Nothing is wrong with a heel, but this slice has too much foreign particulates on it, like flour. So…

 

Proper disposal is of paramount importance. DO NOT FEED THE BIRDS! Birds will overeat on bread and this causes them to become obese. If an airliner were to hit this porky bird it would cause more damage to the aircraft, possibly resulting in an accident, and you would be a murderer.

 

 

This slice looks fine to the untrained eye…

But upon closer inspection you can see it is full of imperfections. Here I am pointing out a nick in the skin of the slice. There is only one thing a trained chef can do:

 


 Dispose, dispose, DISPOSE!

 

 

 

This slice is FAR too thin to be used.

 

Please do not use such pieces of useless food!

 

2) Heat the slices of bread. Once you have found the perfect 2 slices, heat them in a microwave for about 15 seconds. This makes them more pliable for handling and will help prevent crumbling.

 

3) Lay out slice on a cutting board. This is for proper trimming.

 It is important for safety reasons to ensure sufficient clearance on all sides of the slice of bread.

 

 

Measure on all 4 sides to obtain an equal distance from the edge of the cutting board to the edge of the slice of bread.

 

 

 

Begin trimming the slice starting at the top. THIS IS CRITICAL!!

 

 

Once you have one slice trimmed, place it on top of the other and use it as a guide.

 

4) Measure out the peanut spread material. Use a clean measuring spoon.

5) Spread this onto slice “A”

Please note that the peanut spread substance covers the entire slice all the way to the edges. This is KEY to edibility.

 

 

6) Measure out the jelly.

Notice that I used a different tablespoon measure! This will help prevent cross-contamination.

 

 

7) Spread onto slice “B”

Spreading the jelly paste slurry to the edges is even more important with this slice!…!

 

8) Slice 1 tbs butter

Make these cuts very thin…

 

9) Place butter slices evenly onto peanut paste

 

10) Put the slices together to form a sandwich

You MUST put the peanut/butter slice on the bottom or it will taste horrible.

 

And behold, I give you the

PEANUT/BUTTER and JELLY SANDWICH! ™

 

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