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June 9, 2014 / Ryan Edward Roberts

My Shield

It is so amazing to me how much I deserve no pity or help from God and yet He blesses me anyway.

I don’t mean to sound preachy, I know that is rarely helpful to others. So please accept what I have to say today as just me speaking from my heart, from real life.


The Star or Shield of David

David, the King of Israel said “Many there be which say of my soul, ‘there is no help for him in God’. But You Lord are a shield for me, my glory and the lifter up of my head” (Psalms 3:2 & 3). I listened to an old cd of a well-known  gospel choir recently and they were singing this song. I so love gospel music, I have lived on it all my life. So awesome!

So what does this really have to do with me? Even though great things continue happening to me, it is also true that the last 5 years of my life have been filled with unbelievable horribleness. It has mostly been horrible due to my own stupid mistakes, all of my own fault. I brought down destruction upon my most precious possession, my treasure – my family. My 2 kids were my life, now they don’t really want anything to do with me, and I cannot blame them. I attended a wedding last week and found myself getting more sad as the reception went along. I know I will probably never have the opportunity to dance with my daughter at her wedding. I will not have what I was seeing in so many happy faces that day. When my kids do allow communication I know it is only because of their own goodness that they tolerate me for that moment.

When Rev. Walter Hawkins died in 2010, it hit me with such a jarring pain. I know now that a lot of that pain for me is because I know that he lived his life victoriously, and it always spoke to me. That his leadership being gone made me see my own failings and makes my heart fill with regret.

I am constantly haunted by the words one of my pastors spoke back in 1999, basically saying to live your life with no fear and no regrets. To not let it ever be said of yourself sometime in the future “Oh, he/she had such potential!” I literally knew when he uttered those words that morning that they were significant to me, so much so that I bought the CD of that sermon. I have even listened to it several times since, and have passed that message on to others as well. YET I lived on to become that very person!

With all of the hurt and destruction that I have caused, I should never be trusted or forgiven by anyone that has ever known me. I don’t think even one of the many hundreds of people I have known in the church would have much of anything good to say about me now. I’m sure most have long ago written me off; “…there is no help for him in God…”Yet I know that God HAS forgiven me, and in spite of it all, he even shields me. These are not just words – I am shielded by God! I see the results of my wrongs every day, I am reaping what I sowed; but God brings blessings into my life anyway. There is so much bad that could justly fall down upon me, but I have seen my life shielded from it over and over again. I feel guilty how blessed my life is, because it isn’t what I deserve. It is, however, what God wants, for all who believe on Him and trust Him.

Truly my head has been lifted up by God, because when I look at myself all I want to do is look down.

Thank you Lord…


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